The 1st December is a significant date of the year for many reasons. Not least because it represents the day your Blue Peter advent calendar first decorates your room in all its coat-hanger glory. The beginning of the winter months also marks for many the last pre-Christmas shopping pay packet, the start of the wind-down at work before holidays, the perfect excuse to begin scoffing more chocolates (just to get into the spirit, mind), and the understanding in the collective subconscious that it’s no longer bloody freezing – it’s simply Christmas-y.

This year, the first day of the most tinselled month in the calendar also represents the start of Sky Arts Centre Stage series of live gigs. And to kick off the performances, Neil Hannon, The Shins, and The White Stripes, head down to the basement for an intimate concert that is being broadcast with the added dazzleance of HD picture and sound quality. Surely, this will be an experience that rivals being there in the flesh….almost. With ArtsWom’s help, and by following our five simple steps below, you can learn to turn your £500 leather armchair, £2,000 HD TV, £1,000 sound system and £300 Sky HD box into the equivalent of the experience you get for the price of an admission ticket…

1. Since July, gigs smell of only two things – beer and sweat. To ensure the accurately stifling odour sufficiently overpowers your viewing environment, simply reupholster your furniture with vests and shorts donated by runners of the London marathon and paint your walls with whitewash mixed from beer dregs.

2. Ask a burly friend to wear an orange jacket and stand innocuously in the corner of the room, pointing aggressively whenever you move from your chair.

3. Build a contraption that periodically pours a pint of snakebite down your neck. This works best if timed to coincide with the start of your favourite song. For the next fifteen minutes, squat under hairdryer in the toilet.

4. Employ a lanky, long-haired goth to block most of your view of the stage. Encourage him to use his spiky, leather DMs to crush your toes.

5. Mid-gig, whack the volume up to 11, give your best mate a ring on your mobile and then hold the handset to the speakers screaming, “this is the best gig ever!” down the line and then hang up.

If anyone has any further tips and tricks on how to bring live gigging home – leave a comment below….

Sky Arts Centre Stage begins on Saturday 1 December at 9pm with exclusive performances from The White Stripes, The Shins, and Divine Comedy’s Neil Hannon…don’t miss it.